ANOTHER I LIVE WITH MY BABY MAMA BUT WE NOT TOGETHER BROTHER

As a blogger this is exciting, my first letter asking for advice. I gave my two sense of the situation but I welcome your persecutive of the situation too. 

Dear Apparently You Didn’t Know,

 

I saw your repost of Wendy Williams going off on the girl dating a married man. It made me reflect on my current situation. Just to clarify I am not and repeat am not dating a married man. However the person I am seeing currently lives with his kids mom. They have one child together and live in the north east (which we know how expensive it is there). A bit of a background of me, I have been married before and I am currently in my 30s. This started as way for me to get over someone else. The guy was upfront and honest about it , which is more than I can say for most men I've dated. Now it has grown into much more. Several I love yous, please don't leave, and its only been four months. I feel wrong asking him to leave because I keep thinking where is he going to go if he leaves and I am so not ready to move in with anyone I'm seeing at the moment. However the chemistry we have js unlike anything I have ever experienced. I am not even referring to the sex. I talking about how we play, joke, smile, and laugh with each other. We were out of town and he was trying to convince me we should go get married right then and there. It reminds you of the love in the movie the notebook. Its intoxicating. I've never loved and have been loved like this before. I know the perfect guy doesn't come rapped in a bow, everything starts from somewhere. I believe that nothing worth having comes easy and sometimes you have to fight for what you want. But I am morally torn. 

 

any advise you can give would be great

 

respectfully confused drunk in love

 

Dear Confused Drunk In Love,

Honestly, you should have never accepted the 1st date but at this point it sounds like you are in too deep to even cut things off on your own free will.

You put great emphasis on the fact that you are not sleeping with a married man but lets be clear you are in LOVE with a man that is not necessarily yours, he lives with another women.  Is he telling you that he’s not sleeping with his baby mama? If so, do you believe him?  Cause I highly doubt that he’s living under the same roof but not sleeping with her. He’s absolutely lying about the circumstances surrounding why they live together. As a single women, I find myself running into Mr. I live with my baby mama but we not together too. Men are changing tactics no more lying telling you they single that requires a lot of work. They tell you half-truths. Telling you that he lives with his baby mama makes it so that you wont be asking to spend the night or allow you to nag him with other relationship type questions that every man dreads.

The reason that you are even questioning this relationships is because you are not comfortable with being the other woman and the shame that comes along with being a man that is not yours. You deserve better and you know it.

If you are willing to deal with the drama that is sure to come along with sleeping with a man that hasn’t ended his relationship with his almost ex then I’m going to tell you like I tell my girlfriends if you like it, I love it. 


 

Truthfully,

 

Lovely

 

 

 

 

Is There Such A Thing As Being 'Too Broke To Date'?

The conversations I have with my male friends always leave me enlightened and sometimes making me hate men. Their take and perspective on love, women & sex sometimes has me questioning the male species (not that I wasn’t questioning them before). We all know that women and men think differently so for me (and for them I suppose) having an outside party to help you see things in another light or tell you that you are overacting is healthy.

You’re probably thinking "is this girl going to broadcast her friend’s relationship issues?" No!!!!!! I would never do that; I’m not that type of friend. But I wanted to share my takeaway from the conversation.

So long story short without giving away too many details. My friends' friend called him asking about the morning after pill.  He wants to know if I've ever used the pill before, and how he should approach the subject of taking the pill to a girl he’s been dating for the past few months.  I don’t personally know my friends' friend but when he called I happened to be around so me being a women he asked me about the morning after pill.

So I shared with him what I knew:

1.     Its an over the counter drug. No prescription needed

2.     You use the morning after pill within 72 hours (3 days) after you have had unprotected sex or experienced birth control failure.

3.     It costs anywhere from $50 t0 $56

This is where the conversation went left for me. The price of the pill bothered him. Why does it cost that much? Don’t they give them out free somewhere? $56 dollars!!!!! No judgment on my end cause you never know someone’s situation it could be a bad week, or maybe it’s the first of the month. I’ve been there so I understand.  But I learned that he’s not working and has been out of work for a long time. THIS is where I step onto my soapbox.  If you have been out of work and cant afford $56 dollars you shouldn’t be laid up with nobody! Now this goes for men & women. Seems to me that if you are out of work your focus should be on finding a JOB!  He’s been out of work for a long time, and he’s been dating this girl for a couple of months. So that left me wondering if his pockets are so dry, how can he even get it up? 

I would like to hear your thought.s Do you see nothing wrong in his situation or are you like me? If you don’t have $56 dollars and you don’t see the money coming from anywhere in sight, sex should be the last thing on your mind. 

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LinkedIn to Get LinkedUp?

I haven't found love in my everyday life, and I’ve always been opposed to online dating. I’m more a fan of traditional dating, nothing is sexier than having a man approach, hold an engaging conversation, ask for my number and then follow up with a phone call. Plus the thought of meeting some one online scares the hell out of me (too many Law and Order and Criminal Minds episodes).

I said I was going to make more of an effort to meet someone and my girlfriend has been telling me about this dating app called LinkedUp! No hiding your identity like on other dating sites. On the LinkedUp! site your profile is linked to your professional LinkedIn profile and as my girlfriend puts it "at least I’ll know that he has career" – I’m sold!

Using the LinkedIn app I will be able to see where he works, where he went to school and also if we have any connected contacts via LinkedIn. I like to think that if you have a LinkedIn profile you value your career so the quality of men maybe different from the ones I’m meeting on the street (crossing my fingers).

I’m really considering downloading the app and creating a profile. I’ve even been updating my LinkedIn profile just in case I do decide to finally give online dating a shot.

I’m thinking that of all the online dating sites, this would be the safest dating site. What do you think would you date someone you met on LinkedIn ?

2 Questions I Don’t Want To Be Asked By A Man

1.     Can I Kiss You?

-If you have to ask permission like we're in school the answer is No!!!!!!!! It’s most likely the wrong time and/or not desired. I would rather hear I really want to kiss you right now," as opposed to "Can I kiss you?"

2.     Did You Come Yet? 

-Wait what? If you have to ask that means you're not doing something right.  You just pumping in which case I need you to stop.  

Lets hear it ladies, any questions you don’t want a man to ask you? In love with and/ or otherwise 

Am I Wrong When I Say I don't Want to be a Baby Mama?

Do your girlfriends get offended when you say that you don’t want to be a baby mama???

I often get asked when I'm going to have children and my answer is always the same. 

A few weeks ago a friend of mine asked me when I am going to have some babies and without thinking twice I gave my usual response "When a find a good man, I don't want to be a baby mama."

Once I said it her whole demeanor changed. That's when it dawned on me. She's a baby mama. She's not the confrontational type so we didn’t get into the particulars nor did I try. Honestly, I didn’t know how to explain myself without things going left.

I didn’t mean to offend her nor did I think my comment had anything to do with her and her situation. It had everything to do with what I want and see for my life. 

Love, Marriage & Baby Carriage---everything in due time.

If for some reason things don’t work out that way or in that order then fine but I’m not going to go out of my way to interrupt this fairy tale. 

I’m 30 and single with no prospect in sight so it does seem like a fairy tale but not one that I’m willing to give up on anytime soon.

I don't think anyone knowly signs up to be a baby mama (an unwed mother) Its something that happens and  you deal with it as best you can.  Am I wrong when I say I don't want to be a Baby Mama?