Where Do You Go To Get Out Of A Badhead Space?

So I mentioned before about my bouts with depression and anxiety. I’m smiling as I type this because never in a million/billion years did I think I would be able to talk about depression in this way let alone write about it on a blog (did you notice how I just mentioned depression so matter- of- factly…progress)! In therapy, I learned about my triggers.  Besides learning about my triggers I had to learn how to help myself get out of a of a bad headspace. A badhead space for me is when the all hippy, Zen, Buddhist, happiness, peace & love bull crap leaves me so when that happens this is where I go: 

http://www.humansofnewyork.com

I'm a people watcher so for me this site gives me a glimpses into the lives of strangers. I'm embarrassed to say how many hours I spend on this site. 

  

Some of my favorite folks from Humans of New York 

 

I know what you're thinking 'a liquor Ad??' Just watch, it will be worth it in the end!

 

 

I dare you to watch this without cracking a smile 

Where do you go when you're trying to find your happy? Share in the comment section below. 

4 Instragram Fitness Motivators

Before deciding to do something about  the weight I had put on I would literally watch people on social media working out and being active and cheer them on all while sitting on my ass. 

Now that I’m actually putting in the work for the days I don’t feel like going to the gym  I look to these people for motivations and creative workouts. No more cheering them on from my couch

 @Lakeitha_Duncan This transformation I got a chance to witness from beginning till now. She lost 100lbs in a year. On this page you get a weight loss tips, food,  a  little fashion,  and most importantly  girl talk. I appreciate and respect her for being her authentic self with the world

@JustRobbin For anyone who can't make it to the gym this is the account for you.  Many at home workout or workouts for the road. She known to disrespect some furniture for the sake of the workout. For the month of June she's  hosting a jumping into rope challenge

@TaimcQueen The plus size trainer many creative workout but you also get some jokes and laughs and jokes in between. I can't help but want to see her win. 

@dr.fitsique I had the pleasure of meeting her when she did a beginners workout class a few weeks back. What I love about her workout and IG is all the educational info. I'm crossing my fingers that she will be offering the classes on an ongoing basis. This was the 1st bootcamp that I ever intended that did't leave mehttps://instagram.com/taimcqueen/hurt up in my bed the next day.

I Didn't Want To Be The Poster Child For Depression

Mental Health Awareness month takes place in May. Today is June 1st! You would have thought that as a blogger and someone who dealt with depression I would have wrote about my experience during Mental Health Awareness Month. But I didn’t. I didn’t want to be a poster child for depression. 

I love to laugh! I mean, loud with my head cocked back and slapping my thigh or maybe even the person sitting closet to me (if you know me personally you’ve probably been a victim) and because of this you would never know or suspect that something is wrong. I will go to work, show up to events/participate and will take care of all my adult responsibilities while mentally and emotionally I’m drowning. 

There came a point in my depression where I isolated myself from everyone and everything. I lost out on a lot of things; friendships and opportunities because I didn’t deal with my issues and let them linger for so long. I cant say that my depression came from 1 single thing, a combination of things nor will I able to go into much detail (I’m not there yet). Maybe some day. But I will say that seeking professional help was the best thing I could have done.  I learned what my triggers are (I say are because they still come up but now I know how to deal with them). I know how to say I CANT! I CANT DEAL! I need a MOMENT. The best thing about about seeing a professional  is that I was able to form a plan on how to get my life back on track.

 

One of the goals on this plan was to reach out to people that I had relationships with that I actually valued and let them know what was going on. And the reason why I never answered their phone calls/ Facebook messages, why I was a no show to there wedding or baby shower. I made my list back in 2012. It's now 2015 and I still haven’t reached out to everyone on my list.

I missed a lot of friendship milestone moments while I was dealing with my depression; weddings, babies, death, cancer treatments... So it hasn’t been easy for some of them to let the relationship go back to the way we were before I isolated myself which is understandable. The excuse for why I haven’t been able to make amends with everyone on my list is just that, an excuse. The first few people I met with were very receptive and we’ve been able to develop some type of friendship after years of not being in contact.

But there has been a few people that didn’t receive what I was saying…which again is understandable. I missed out on his wedding! So because of a few (4 to be exact) not so good conversations I’ve developed anxiety about calling or meeting with the other people on my list. For these people I missed a lot more than a wedding. One friend in particular I missed out on her beating cancer twice!  In 2013 I said before the New Year I would reach out to her. We're half way into 2015 and I still haven’t called.  The anxiety over her rejecting my friendship leaves me crippled to where I can't pick up the phone.

I’m making a promise to myself to get back to my list and reach out to her and a few other folks finally. Rejection or not, it's time. 

I confess! I was hating, I was envious

Being overweight is new for me. I graduated high school 115 pounds and left college 125 to 130 pounds flat stomach no back fat or love handles. Skinny girls, big boobs that was me.   Living in Miami the beach is a big part of my social life (lets be clear-going to the beach not going in the water). Going to the beach wearing a 2 piece was never an issue for me nor did I need a cover-up.

Now that 170 pounds I’m having issues with having to wear a swimsuit.  Trips to the beach while in my 1 piece sucking in my gut (sucking it in while wearing a swim suit is close to impossible by the way) feeling like a cow I find my self hating and being envious of the women who are working out and keeping their bodies right.

I don’t want to be that girl (hating on other women) Once I reached that point I knew it was time that I do something about my situation.  Regularly working out, staying away from the breads and sweets.

I’ve said it before I don’t want to be skinny. I just want to look good in my clothes, swimsuits included.  So I brought two swimsuits, I brought them both 1 size down to use as motivation to lose the weight so that my next trip to the beach I will be comfortable in my own skin and stop being a hater.

Do You Use Protection During Oral Sex?

Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me. Lets talk about all the good things and the bad things that made me –I’m an 80’s baby, don’t judge me (and yes I did sing along as I typed this)

But really, lets talk about sex!

For me and my group of friends, our conversations always somehow turn to sex. I recently attended an HIV/AIDS Awareness event, the event had an open forum where people could share stories, ask questions & get tested. They also gave away a lot of goodies: male condoms, lube, female condoms and dental dams.

So in the spirit of friendship of course I had to share all my goodies and the education I received from the event with my girlfriends. 

I learned that people are no longer engaging in just SEX. People are more open and willing to engage in Fellatio /Cunnillngus (oral sex), both adults & teens without protection.  People seem to think oral sex lowers their risk of sexually transmitted diseases.

Our conversation surrounding the female condom mirrored the conversation at the event. I know they exist but I’ve never used one (I wouldn’t even know how to put it on) nor do I see them in the stores.

Same goes for the dental dam. What’s a dental dam? I’ve never heard of it before? Where can I find/buy one? I pretty sure I’ve never seen one before.

A dental dam, like a condom, is a barrier method. It is a thin, square piece of rubber, which is placed over the labia or anus during oral-vaginal or oral-anal intercourse.

Being that so many people questioned the fact that they could easily find female condoms or a dental dam in stores as easy as they could find a male condom I decided to go shopping.

not as many options for female condoms compared to male condoms and no dental dams

not as many options for female condoms compared to male condoms and no dental dams

Sex Novelty Stores: options for female condoms are still slim compared to the male condoms but they do have an array of dental dams to choose from 

So ladies and gentlemen no more excuses. If we're really engaging in so much Fellatio/Cunnillngus we really need to protect ourselves/mouths. Make your way to the nearest Sex/novelty store